Catching up- October

October was a whirlwind of teaching and day-to-day life (who knew villages could be so busy?), but in the middle of the month, we flew to Dar es Salaam for several days, to attend AIM's annual Tanzania conference. This was a 5 day missions conference for all AIM missionaries working in Tanzania (and a few in Kenya).

I had been looking forward to the conference for several months, because in our village we are fairly isolated from other missionaries, save the two families who live near us. It was time to fill my extroverted social cup!

To be honest, the week was pretty stressful. Abram got really sick the day before we left for Dar. He actually did really well, considering we were traveling across the country with a baby! But once we got to the conference centre, he spent a lot of his time resting and recovering, and unfortunately missed much of the conference. I tried to take care of him and David as much as possible, and at 4 months pregnant this wasn't easy, so it was draining for me, too.

 In addition to this, the conference schedule is extremely full and busy. We were SO blessed and grateful that there was an amazing team of people from the UK who came to help with the children. David was the youngest person at the conference! and everyone on the children's team worked so hard to include him in the children's activities and to care for him during the sessions, so Abram (when he was up to it) and I could attend the adult sessions. This included sermons, workshops, worship, and other activities. It was so nice to get to sit and be "fed" without having someone climbing up, down, up, down, up and down from my lap!

David did really, really well in the children's room, but it was a bit taxing and overstimulating for him, so he also needed a lot of down time every day- something not very easy to come by. The cafeteria where we ate was also very crowded and loud, so I think he was overwhelmed in general. He did so well- but you could tell it was a hard week for him (and consequently, for us).

The conference also included a fun afternoon at the beach. This was David's first time in the ocean! He was a bit scared, but it was really special for us to take him to the water and the sand. The kid LOVES to be outside!

In general, though full and busy, the conference was a huge gift to us. This was my first one, and Abram's...severalth. It's so encouraging and refreshing to hear from other missionaries, see what God is doing throughout East Africa, and for me, to talk to other mamas and be reminded that this has been done before! It's so good to remember we are not alone! We will not see many of these people again until next October. We're already looking forward to it!

Here are a few more pictures from that week.

Game night

All the kids from the kids' programme (I believe David was asleep at this point)

Checking in for his 15th flight.

The conference room during one session

From Abram- our latest prayer letter.

Dear Friends,

            Praise the Lord.

In this letter, we would like to share some news from a couple of Abram’s former students at NTC (Nassa Theological College- the school where Abram has been teaching).  We believe that Abram’s ministry of educating and equipping Tanzanian pastors is very important, and we are encouraged to see how God is expanding His kingdom through some of these students.

            Samuel is one of a few pioneer Tanzanian missionaries working among Muslims.  He and his family planted several churches along the coastal region before moving and resettling in Dar es Salaam.  He has started another church here in Dar and remains a keen evangelist reaching Muslims.  One of the creative ministry methods he uses is a farming program that teaches the gospel as well as sustainable farming practices.

            Another enthusiastic former student is Yohana.  He has been training Christians to teach the religious period in public high schools and to minister to students.  The opportunities to reach young people are amazing, as teaching the Bible as a school subject is welcomed.  Yohana has also recently decided to dedicate more time to working with unreached peoples.  He recently started working in an unreached area and already has a church of 29 believers.  Both he and Samuel are actively advocating among churches for more indigenous mission work.

            Stories like these are very encouraging to us.  We believe the best way for Tanzanians to hear the gospel is from fellow Tanzanians.  We are excited to see God working in these NTC students and affirming this valuable ministry.

            In other news, thank you so much for your prayers and financial support towards purchasing a vehicle.  We now have enough money to buy a good car for our family and ministry.  Please pray that we get paperwork and payment sorted out so that we may leave Dar es Salaam (with our car) in the next couple weeks.

            Personally, we are doing pretty well.  We are making progress with Swahili learning and have been blessed by new friendships among some of the AIM families working in this part of the country.  We have visited a few AIC churches here in Dar, and Abram was invited to preach from Mark chapter four.

We have had several doctor appointments and are relieved that our son seems to be healthy and growing well. Ashby’s pregnancy has been going fairly well, though as she progresses into the third trimester she is growing more tired and uncomfortable.

In the past two months we welcomed a new nephew on each side of our family.  We love receiving pictures and updates from them and can’t wait to someday meet them.  Our Tanzanian brother Steve and his wife Judy (house parents at the Visible Grace children’s home) also gave birth to a baby boy in early July. Unfortunately, baby John was born with pneumonia and weak lungs and spent the first few weeks of his life in NICU.  He is now at home and doing better.  Please keep this sweet family in your prayers.

Thank you all for your faithful support of our ministry here.  Please continue to lift us up in prayer as the next few months hold many transitions.

           

From your brother and sister in Christ,

Abram and Ashby 

catching up, part 2: you want to live where?

So you guys know I love Abram, right?

He's pretty dreamy. He treats me really well. Also he makes good smoothies. Also, this:

See? You'd fall in love with him too. But you can't; he's taken. 

I guess my point is that it wasn't very hard to fall in love with him. We were both in Nairobi, we both love Jesus and Africa and kids and books and avocados. We had so much fun together no matter what we were doing. He was there for me when I really needed him. He makes wise decisions and treats people well. Everyone thinks highly of him. It was so perfect: We fell in love and dated and got engaged in Kenya. We were living out my dream life: meet a Christian guy who's already in Africa.

In Nairobi.

But there was one teeny tiny catch and, I'll admit, when I first met Abram I was basically in complete denial of this: Abram is a doctoral student, and his research topic for his dissertation is based in…

Tanzania. (Where?)

He's committed to living in Tanzania for the next 2+ years, serving with AIM and researching and interviewing and writing his dissertation. And this is a problem for me, because I…I love Kenya.

I mean everyone knows that.

And most people know my story: for ten years, I have been working on starting a home for orphaned children in Nairobi, Kenya. I spent the majority of my time in Oregon, fundraising and networking, and traveling to Kenya once or twice a year. In 2012, the board of my non profit decided it was time to send me to Kenya full time to the home (finally!) up and running.

This was an answer to prayer. For a decade, I have felt that my heart was in Kenya, and wanted to be there, to get Visible Grace going, to work with kids who needed to be loved. It was finally time! Sort of.

When I met Abram I knew God was blessing me even beyond what I'd asked for. I got to move to Kenya! We opened the home and started taking in kids! And then I met Mr Perfect. I really had it all.

Except I didn't.

Abram and I started talking about marriage really quickly. During our whirlwind of romance and life (running a children's home and finishing a doctorate program- no big deal, guys) we talked a lot about our future. We have similar passions and visions- I desire to educate children, so they grow up well, and he loves educating and equipping African adults, so that they can in turn equip others. We have different fields, but we really desire the same thing.

Abram spent about 10 of the last 14 years teaching at a Bible college in Tanzania, and this is where he chose his research topic for his dissertation. (Two years ago he decided to go back to school himself, to get a Ph.D. He just so happened to choose a college in Nairobi…) While he finishes his dissertation, he's also teaching at the Bible college here. In Tanzania.

In not Kenya.

Like I said, we spent a lot of time talking about our future. We felt like we had a few choices. Except I really didn't feel like I had a choice at all:

~Not marry Abram
~Stay in Kenya and make him abandon his studies
~Marry Abram and follow him to Tanzania

This was a really difficult decision for both of us. I didn't feel ready to let go of my dream job; Abram didn't want to see me hurt and grieving. It was also hard because I felt like the Lord had only just allowed me to move to Kenya and see get Visible Grace up and running. I had been waiting so long to see it become a reality. Was He really taking it away from me so quickly? Or testing me to see if I cared about the love of a man more than obedience to God? (Yes, I really wondered that.)

Here's the thing, though: Visible Grace was up and running. We were seeing it become a reality.

So the choice wasn't necessarily taking away from the ministry. In fact, at the moment VG is thriving- without me! Abram and I are part of the board and are in touch often. We have a Kenyan manager, which I think is important. We plan to go up several times a year- it's a day's drive from where we live. I miss the kids, but really, everyone is thriving right now. It's possible this is exactly what was needed in order to take this thing to the next level- to help it move beyond me.

But it was so hard, you guys. Excruciating. At first I felt like I was being asked to choose between my first born child and the love of my life. (Seriously- I raised VG from its infancy and worked on it 24/7 and it kept me up at night and consumed all my resources and time and was my baby. Tell me that's not like a baby.)

Throughout the entire process I could feel God's hand at work, and I knew that, for whatever reason, this was what God wanted me to do. To step back from VG, to leave the city and country I love, and to follow Abram to Tanzania. I'm still figuring out why, and what that looks like, but I am confident He's leading me in the right direction. (Tanzania, by the way, is fairly similar to Kenya. Not a huge change.)

Another step in this decision was to join Africa Inland Mission, because Abram is a missionary through them, and we want to be on the same team. This step wasn't really as big a deal. AIM is a great organisation full of great people. It also provides me with stability I haven't had before, like…infrastructure. And health insurance. This move also took me off Visible Grace's payroll, which is fantastic for VG financially, and enables us to save up a bit, for exciting things like…a new sceptic tank. I know, I know- why don't I blog about that?!

So. There's my 'confession'. I have been toying with this post for months, because a lot of clarification was needed, and a lot of people don't really know where I live or what I'm up to. (Some people think we live at the children's home, and for the record, that was never part of the plan. I think the kids deserve African parents, and I think we deserve some privacy in our first year of marriage.)

I'm still not thrilled about being here, some days. But that's okay. Because this is home for now, with Abram, and we'll figure it out together. We don't know what our next step will be, or what God has in store for us. But for now, we're here.

the catch-up post: 2013

I keep putting off blogging because I know I'll have to start at practically the beginning. The beginning for me and Abram was only about 18 months ago, but we've fit an awful lot into that time, so it's still a lot to write about!

Among other things, in 2013:

~We were both living in Kenya

~We got engaged in February

~I (Ashby) moved from the home I was renting in Ngong (near Abram) to the children's home (Visible Grace). This put me over an hour away from Abram, but…

~We opened the children's home and took in our first kids! Something almost ten years in the making!

~We had to fire our manager, who also happened to be my best friend and former housemate. This ended our friendship, shattered me emotionally, cut me off from much of my community in Nairobi, and resulted in my working two jobs--

~I was serving as director, house mother, and manager for Visible Grace (I was spread too thin and felt like I was doing all jobs poorly)

~By June we had 6  kids and by August, 8 kids! Such a blessing; so much work!

~In June we also hosted one of our good friends for 12 weeks. Scott stayed with Abram and interned with VG: he did everything from writing up kids' bios and staff handbooks, to cleaning the bathroom, to playing with the kids in the yard, to teaching our staff CPR, to helping me with wedding invites…seriously, Scott was a lifesaver. This was especially helpful because…

~I was also hosting various parasites, including malaria and schistosomiasis (look it up if you dare). I was really, really sick. Oh, and I came down with 'atypical pneumonia'.

~Abram also had his hands full, because in addition to caring for me (physically and mentally- I was a wreck), he defended his dissertation proposal (good job, honey!) and finished his final papers for his PHD program. This means he is done with classes and is now working on his dissertation. He also hosted a weekly small group at his school and joined the VG board. Did I mention the papers? He wrote several hundred thousand words last spring. Doctorate level. That man works hard.

~In June we made the decision that I would join Africa Inland Mission, the organization Abram serves with. This resulted in a mountain of paperwork and hours of psychological tests. (An amusing aside: When I finally got admitted to AIM, they told me they had reservations because of some of my answers on the testing. Are you more tired than normal? Are you stressed? Do you feel like you are over-burdened? When I explained the extenuating circumstances they agreed that I handled it well enough and that it was an exceptional situation…and wanted to be sure I wouldn't do it again. Ha. I don't think I'll get pneumonia, lose my best friend, and adopt eight kids again any time soon!)

~In July Abram and I began several hours of pre-marital counselling

~Visible Grace hired a part time manager to help me with a lot of the daily operations (she quit in February 2014)

~In August we hosted three more good friends, who came for two weeks to help out with the kids and help us host our housewarming party! And helped me pack! And built us a chicken house!

~On August 3rd, 2013 we threw a housewarming party for the children's home. I believe there were over a hundred people there. To be perfectly honest, Abram, Scott and our new manager did most of the work. But I showed up…

~I also managed to pack and be ready to go back to the States, first to Georgia for a five-day orientation to AIM, then to Oregon for three weeks…

~Oh, and we planned a wedding.

WHEW. I need a break just re-reading this.

Last summer were some of the sweetest memories I'll ever have- I have always, always wanted to be a mama to orphaned children, and these specific children were part of a vision I've had for a decade. I was so unbelievably blessed to live there and work with those kids. At the same time, I don't want to do that ever again- I was so stressed, so sad and emotional, so exhausted and so sick.

I really do thank God for Abram at this time. God also put some lovely Kenyan and American women in my life just when I badly needed friends and was missing my best friend. In 2013, I learned a lot…and cried a lot.

So this basically leads us up to September of 2013. Still with me? I'll post about life after wedding, later this week.