2019: a whirlwind

I have not blogged in a year. A year of miracles and struggles, laughter and tears, diapers and potty training (!!), traveling and staying put, teaching and learning, and a lot of eating.

I have written dozens of posts in my head, but when I think about logging onto my computer, writing, editing, uploading and posting...I either a) get distracted or b) get overwhelmed (and then post a picture and quick caption on instagram, instead-- follow us there at @ashbyandabram).

2019 was a hard year, to be honest. We have made very little progress toward Kai's adoption. Abram's father died in February, but we were able to make it home in time to say goodbye, thankfully. (We wrote about this on facebook and in our newsletters, so I will assume you already know this. If you want details, let me know.)

We also lost one of our Bible students, some of our friends left the mission field, and in June, James was diagnosed with epilepsy.

Sometimes I look at life from one angle and think: what am I complaining about? Why am I so sad and tired? Our family is relatively healthy, we live comfortably (by village standards, if not by Western standards), we have a good community here, we have a lot of support from home. There's so much to be grateful for!

Other days I look at this list of burdens, from losing our son two years ago to losing Abram's father this year, and all the losses and hardships in between, and then add full time ministry, adoption stress, and an epilepsy diagnosis on top of that...and I am proud of myself just for getting out of bed each morning. (I'm only half kidding. Getting out of bed is hard. Why do kids wake up SO EARLY?)

In between the challenges and losses and triumphs and celebrations, we have very ordinary things like cleaning up toys, changing diapers, homeschooling David (kindergarten this year!), teaching at the Bible college, and making dinner every. single. night. (Why is dinner so relentlessly persistent?)

All this to say that this year has been hard, but we are grateful. Grateful that we made it to Canada in time to say goodbye to Abram's father. Grateful that we are only a short flight away from an amazing children's hospital that was able to diagnose James. Grateful that we still have custody of Kai, even if it's not permanent (yet!). Grateful that our boys are happy, and have so many people who love them, and that we always have enough to eat. Always.

I mostly logged into this blog this morning to upload pictures. So here is a quick glimpse of daily life in our home. (Minus Kai...if you want to see his gorgeous face, email or message me!)

Being three is hard.

So eternally thankful for a chance to take family photos with Abram's dad before he died. 

If you need amazing photos, and live in the Ottawa area, look up SnapHappyottawa.ca. You won't be sorry.  

A day at the beach in October. (Does your October look like this? It could, if you moved here!)

Our nanny, Mary, with Isaiah

The boys on Easter morning

Isaiah and Mama

This was at the airport. Flying with kids is hard. I cannot emphasize this enough: it is so hard. 

This is our incredible, life giving, reason-we-are-still-on-the-mission-field nanny, Mary

Sometimes James smiles for the camera! 

Abram and I do not take enough pictures together. 

James is too cool for school

David doing some schoolwork. He is excelling in math. 

After going to Canada in February, we got to spend a few days with my (Ashby's) family before coming home. Here are two of our American cousins! 

James and David are either best friends or worst enemies, with very little in between

Isaiah

David's first day of school in September 

Four boys under four

Life has been extremely busy lately. (More than normal, if that's even possible.) In mid-February we agreed to foster a newborn baby. Kai was at least two months premature, and his mom and twin brother died during delivery. Don't google "preemies born at ____" because you will just panic. But if you were stupid enough to google this at, say, 2am, you would (after panicking) start to realize that EVERYTHING about this baby boy is miraculous.

Not only does he fit into our family SO well (We have so many boy clothes! We have an affinity for twinless twins! I have breastmilk to spare!), but he is in perfect health. He was nursing and swallowing and breathing at an age when he should have needed intubation and a g-tube. He was around three and a half pounds when he came to us. Now he's 10 lbs and thriving. Everything we know about him is another answer to prayer.

I was able to manage nights with Isaiah and Kai for two months before I got desperate and we asked for help. We have a rotation of women who are spending the night in our guest room each night, sleeping next to Kai and giving him bottles (both breast milk and formula) so that I only have to get up with Isaiah. They are happy to have extra work and extra money, and I in turn am thrilled to be getting a couple more hours sleep each night. We are trading in our savings account for the sake of my sanity, basically. (I am sharing this lest anyone think I am superhuman and managing nursing two babies every night. I am not.)

David and James absolutely love Kai. Isaiah is busy learning to crawl, stand up, and eat solid foods, so he's been too busy to notice him. In addition to having FOUR BOYS, a new school term started, and I am teaching English four hours a week! Did I mention we are busy? Luckily most of my lesson plans are ready to go, from when I taught two years ago. And I LOVE having an excuse to get out of the house for a couple hours and talk to grownups. In complete sentences! I taught two periods yesterday and not once did anyone mention poop, snacks, spiders or slugs. It was glorious.

Abram finished his dissertation at the end of February, and is waiting to hear if he passed or has revisions, and will head up to Nairobi sometime this month for his defense. He also wrote two articles for publication in theological journals. He has a few revisions left to do on these articles, but overall, his PhD work is ALMOST done. He has been working around the clock, and we are so relieved he's almost finished. We can't wait to celebrate his graduation in Nairobi in July!

James's birthday came and went in March, and we didn't even celebrate until two weeks later, because on his actual birthday we were all sick with the flu. As in influenza, and no, the flu shot is not available here, and oh my goodness we were SO sick. It was bad.

So when we were feeling better, I made him a little cake, and we had a few friends over, and we gave him a train set and some books that we had bought while in Nairobi (thanks mom and dad!). He also got cards from each of his grandparents in North America, so he was one happy and loved little boy.

The months of March and April were extremely discouraging for us. In addition to getting the flu, everyone but me and Kai had malaria more than once. Isaiah has had it twice, David and Abram and James have had it FOUR TIMES. (Sometimes it's a new occurrence and sometimes it's a resistant strain that keeps coming back.) Caring for sick kids is hard, and Abram has so much on his plate in addition to not feeling well. I've also been struggling to believe we are really called to live in this beautiful place, and do work we love, and watch our boys continually struggle with a disease they wouldn't have if we lived in North America. (No one gets sick in the US...right?) Thankfully, the past week everyone has been HEALTHY (give or take a light cold), and I'm feeling a lot more supported and a lot less discouraged. Thank you to those of you who prayed for us and for our health!

I will try to keep blogging every so often. I have also shared more about this adventure on instagram. We are keeping his little face offline for now!

Please be praying for us, if you are the praying sort. This parenting stuff is HARD! Getting malaria is hard! Nursing two babies is hard! Teaching English is hard, because as it turns out, our language is crazy.

Four month old Kai 

Super-Baba

James's birthday party. He was graciously and magnanimously greeting his guests. 

James's birthday cake (note big brother standing by so as not to miss anything!) 

Mr Cool 

Baby toes

James gave himself a black eye...he got in a fight with his crib and his crib won. 

I left the watercolours out...whoops 

James copied David...sigh. 

Isaiah at 8 months 

Bookworms

James visited my English class yesterday! 

Malaria and other maladies

The first draft of this post was like 'whiny whinety whine whine whiiiine', so, I deleted it.

Here's the summary: David's been sick (for weeks) and Abram and I have been sick, and we're all exhausted- like, really exhausted- and every non-essential thing in my life has been thrown out the window, leaving my to-do list looking something like this:

Keep David alive
Brush my teeth
Make dinner maybe

And in the midst of battling malaria AND bronchitis, Davidy decided to cut two teeth

They're there. I promise. You try taking a picture of the inside of a grumpy baby's mouth!

making this the easiest/hardest teething session ever, as in, we didn't even notice (or if we did, we attributed it to his not feeling well already).

Davidy continues to be a delight, even when he's sick. He will cough his little brains out, throw up on you, then give you a smile that will break your heart, and crawl off to play somewhere.

He's crawling now, and learned to pull himself up, cruise around furniture, and climb up our (two) steps- all in just a few days' time. He's starting to get better (thanks to our new pediatrician, one round of malaria meds and two rounds of antibiotics) and loves eating fruit, veggies, and pureed chicken. He's still very outgoing and loves being held, although when he's not feeling well, he really prefers Mama.

Just your typical Sunday at church.

Abram has been extremely busy, because in addition to teaching and doing interviews for his paper, he's been sick himself, and has been caring for me and David as much as possible. He's working really hard, and I am loving attending his Genesis class (when I'm able) and watching him at work. He's such a good teacher, and I honestly don't think I know anyone who is as passionate about the Old Testament as he is.

Also he's one of the most hands-on fathers I've ever met or married.

I am not exaggerating about my to-do lists lately, but under 'normal' circumstances, I have enough to keep me busy- even when Davidy is healthy!- with Visible Grace stuff, helping teach English here in TZ, trying to stay in touch with family, and hosting dinners, prayer meetings, and birthday parties here in our home.

Sometimes David comes with me to help with NTC's English class.

At the beginning of May, David and I flew over to Dar-es-Salaam to attend an AIM women's retreat. It was lovely to spend time with some friends we had made last year (when we lived in Dar last summer) and to soak up some girly time. The retreat fell on Mother's Day weekend, and for my first (ish) Mother's Day, my friends watched David while I took a long, hot shower and read my Bible. What more could a girl ask for?! 

David slept through craft time at the retreat. Also, he looks fake. But he's not. 

David got to play in real grass for the first time- and he loved it!

We were blessed with a chance to go to the Serengeti again a few weeks ago with some friends of friends who were visiting. A safari is always a great diversion from our real lives, and we feel grateful to live so near to all this wildlife, and for having a car and being able to drive others around!

I hope I never never never grow tired of these guys.

The school year is rapidly coming to a close, with graduation only a few weeks away! After that, we are looking forward to hosting our good friend Lindsay, and then taking her up to Nairobi to visit our kiddos at Visible Grace!

One day soon I hope to find time (hahaHA) to blog more than a quick, 'here's another picture of David, did I mention I like giraffes?' update. I have so many thoughts and feelings, and I know you're dying to hear them, internet. Till then, here are some more pictures of David. Again. 

Balancing sorrow and joy

Life here has been really heavy lately, and it's hard to know what to write about, or how to write it.

Some things are really too awful to even be discussed, but here are some highlights (or lowlights) of this lenten season we find ourselves in.

In what should be the rainy season, we have had almost no rain at all. This means crops will almost certainly fail, which means people will go hungry, and that more and more people will show up at our door, asking for food, work, help...anything.

It also means more illnesses.

It also means more funerals.

One of our good friends was recently fined by the village for not having a toilet on his property. He does not have a toilet because he cannot afford it, (they use their neighbour's), so he was basically fined for being poor. We paid his fine- which was minimal- but he needs a toilet. This is a basic human right.

One of our other friends is ailing and may be dying. He lives outdoors, and I would assume he has chronic malaria. He seems to be fighting an infection, but resisting treatment. I am not sure how much longer his body can hold out. And I'm not sure about the state of his soul.

Another man in our village has been very sick for some time. He was able to get treatment and medicine, but is still too sick to work, and is relying on the charity of others to keep food on the table.

On top of these things, we have good friends and family members who are fighting constant battles with malaria and typhoid, a friend who was robbed, a friend whose house is falling down around him and his four children, and many, many people- too many to count- who want their children to go to school, but cannot afford to send them.

Last week, Abram threw me (Ashby) a surprise party for my birthday. I felt so loved and celebrated, with a tinge of guilt- I'm sure most of our friends here have never had a birthday party of any kind. But our friends enjoyed themselves, enjoyed the cake and popcorn, and Abram pointed out that our village needed some kind of celebration, something to bring joy and laughter into these dark days. We can choose guilt, or joy. We can experience both sorrow and joy- they are not, apparently, mutually exclusive.

At the end of each day we relax in our home, which is much too big, and we eat food- we always have enough- and we play with the worlds' cutest baby, and we go to sleep under a secure mosquito net, under a secure roof. We don't feel guilty for these things- they are blessings from God- but we wrestle with the normal questions: why us? why them? why?

And we go about our routine, Abram teaching and researching, Ashby nursing, cooking, changing diapers, answering the door- and the not-so-routine, like when our car acts as an ambulance and our living room acts as a sanctuary. And we hope in our baby's future.

David continues to be a blessing to people. Our neighbours have begun calling him 'a child of the people'. Half a dozen women call him Grandson, and he may or may or may not think he has six parents. A common sight in the mornings is for a neighbour, or Abram's Tanzanian sister, or whoever happens to be at our house,  to be walking around with David in their arm- as they water our tomato plants, or carry ladders from our garage, or talk on the phone, or answer the door. We are thrilled that David will hopefully grow up to be comfortable in our community, and to know our family here. We are also pleased that people can take comfort in him- what is more therapeutic than a baby who trusts you so completely that he relaxes into your shoulder and falls asleep?

Maybe this is why God gives us children.