Four boys under four

Life has been extremely busy lately. (More than normal, if that's even possible.) In mid-February we agreed to foster a newborn baby. Kai was at least two months premature, and his mom and twin brother died during delivery. Don't google "preemies born at ____" because you will just panic. But if you were stupid enough to google this at, say, 2am, you would (after panicking) start to realize that EVERYTHING about this baby boy is miraculous.

Not only does he fit into our family SO well (We have so many boy clothes! We have an affinity for twinless twins! I have breastmilk to spare!), but he is in perfect health. He was nursing and swallowing and breathing at an age when he should have needed intubation and a g-tube. He was around three and a half pounds when he came to us. Now he's 10 lbs and thriving. Everything we know about him is another answer to prayer.

I was able to manage nights with Isaiah and Kai for two months before I got desperate and we asked for help. We have a rotation of women who are spending the night in our guest room each night, sleeping next to Kai and giving him bottles (both breast milk and formula) so that I only have to get up with Isaiah. They are happy to have extra work and extra money, and I in turn am thrilled to be getting a couple more hours sleep each night. We are trading in our savings account for the sake of my sanity, basically. (I am sharing this lest anyone think I am superhuman and managing nursing two babies every night. I am not.)

David and James absolutely love Kai. Isaiah is busy learning to crawl, stand up, and eat solid foods, so he's been too busy to notice him. In addition to having FOUR BOYS, a new school term started, and I am teaching English four hours a week! Did I mention we are busy? Luckily most of my lesson plans are ready to go, from when I taught two years ago. And I LOVE having an excuse to get out of the house for a couple hours and talk to grownups. In complete sentences! I taught two periods yesterday and not once did anyone mention poop, snacks, spiders or slugs. It was glorious.

Abram finished his dissertation at the end of February, and is waiting to hear if he passed or has revisions, and will head up to Nairobi sometime this month for his defense. He also wrote two articles for publication in theological journals. He has a few revisions left to do on these articles, but overall, his PhD work is ALMOST done. He has been working around the clock, and we are so relieved he's almost finished. We can't wait to celebrate his graduation in Nairobi in July!

James's birthday came and went in March, and we didn't even celebrate until two weeks later, because on his actual birthday we were all sick with the flu. As in influenza, and no, the flu shot is not available here, and oh my goodness we were SO sick. It was bad.

So when we were feeling better, I made him a little cake, and we had a few friends over, and we gave him a train set and some books that we had bought while in Nairobi (thanks mom and dad!). He also got cards from each of his grandparents in North America, so he was one happy and loved little boy.

The months of March and April were extremely discouraging for us. In addition to getting the flu, everyone but me and Kai had malaria more than once. Isaiah has had it twice, David and Abram and James have had it FOUR TIMES. (Sometimes it's a new occurrence and sometimes it's a resistant strain that keeps coming back.) Caring for sick kids is hard, and Abram has so much on his plate in addition to not feeling well. I've also been struggling to believe we are really called to live in this beautiful place, and do work we love, and watch our boys continually struggle with a disease they wouldn't have if we lived in North America. (No one gets sick in the US...right?) Thankfully, the past week everyone has been HEALTHY (give or take a light cold), and I'm feeling a lot more supported and a lot less discouraged. Thank you to those of you who prayed for us and for our health!

I will try to keep blogging every so often. I have also shared more about this adventure on instagram. We are keeping his little face offline for now!

Please be praying for us, if you are the praying sort. This parenting stuff is HARD! Getting malaria is hard! Nursing two babies is hard! Teaching English is hard, because as it turns out, our language is crazy.

Four month old Kai 

Super-Baba

James's birthday party. He was graciously and magnanimously greeting his guests. 

James's birthday cake (note big brother standing by so as not to miss anything!) 

Mr Cool 

Baby toes

James gave himself a black eye...he got in a fight with his crib and his crib won. 

I left the watercolours out...whoops 

James copied David...sigh. 

Isaiah at 8 months 

Bookworms

James visited my English class yesterday! 

Life and loss and everything in between

I have written a thousand updates in my head. I have actually typed out two updates that remained in the draft folder. I keep vowing to blog, giving up, deciding that no one cares anymore, resorting to Facebook for updates, forgetting the whole thing, and then starting the cycle all over.

But Facebook memories reminded me that two and three years ago, I used to consistently update my blog. I re-read one blog entry this morning and realized it's more than just an update of what's going on in our family. Or at least, it used to be.

I used to write because I like writing. I used to capture not only the "where are we now" moments, the "which country are we in and how many babies have we had" moments, but the in-between moments: the homesickness that catches you unaware when you're rinsing dishes in the sink. The life-loving moments that fill your heart to bursting when one of your boys holds hands with his neighbour and leads her gently to the sandbox to play. The when-will-this-end moments that come in waves, malaria on top of colds on top of dirty diapers on top of funerals. The what-did-I-learn-today moments that occur on a daily basis but fade gently into the back of our minds as we fall asleep each night, things that build us up and make us into better people, but don't get written down or overtly observed.

Back when I only had one or two children, I made time to capture all this. And I'm not even sure how many people read this blog, but I realized today how important it is for me. Even if no one reads it, it's there for me, and since I can type faster than I can write, it can be a journal of sorts. Our life here is unusual, and since sleep deprivation causes memory loss, perhaps I can look back on this when I'm old and grey and have adjusted the font on my computer to geriatric size, and I'll sit in my rocking chair and squint at the screen and mutter under my breath about the memories I chose to capture here.

When I'm washing dishes, nursing a baby, or trying to fall asleep at night, and chastising myself about my lack of blogging, I wrestle back and forth: first of all, no one is beating me up about this except myself, and I need to be gracious with myself and "let it go", etc etc. Second of all, can you imagine if I told one of my neighbours about this internal struggle? Me: I just really need to blog, you know? It's been a year. Them: I have no idea where our next meal is coming from...what's a "blog"?

So then the pendulum swings back to "who cares" and "no blog at all". But then I swing back the other way, again, to this: I need to write. It used to be life giving to me. And so I'm going to try. Again. And I may neglect it, again. But that's okay. I can care for my neighbours, and keep perspective, and still make time to write. Right?

Eleven months ago I wrote about our upcoming trip to Nairobi. At that time we were expecting twins. In June of last year, we lost Simeon at 27 weeks gestation, and in August of last year, Simeon and Isaiah were born at 36 weeks. We buried Simeon in September and had a memorial for him in October. All of these things are worth blogging about, and I don't know if I'll ever get around to it. This is one of the reasons I didn't get back to writing- because the things I need to write about were piling up, and I got overwhelmed. And how can I write about the little things if I haven't caught up on the big things? But here we are. I might never get around to writing down all the details of 2017. It wasn't a great year. Our son died.

But so much of that has been captured by camera and by memory. We don't forget the details anytime soon (some I wish I could). Nor will I forget the kindness of our neighbours, our families, our home church and our colleagues. They lifted us up in that time and carried us to this point. I still ache to hold Simeon every day. But the pain has lessened. I wonder, when Isaiah smiles, sits up, or rolls over, what it would be like to watch them both grow. To watch them grow together. To watch James try to kiss both babies, instead of just begging to "kiss Saya?" every morning, noon and night. To discuss a living child with David, instead of talking about where his brother is now, and why he can't play with him just yet. To hold them both. To hold all four of them.

So here we are, nine months after we lost our baby, almost seven months after we brought Isaiah home from the hospital. We are exhausted. We are busy. We are happy. We laugh every day. I cry every other day. Boys are no joke. They climb windows and bring dead beetles to the dinner table and stick their fingers in every single thing you bake. They have big feelings and strong opinions and loud voices and dirty feet. They have the energy of a dozen caffeinated puppies. They hate brushing their teeth.

Abram finished his dissertation at the end of February, which is a huge accomplishment worthy of celebration. He still has to write two articles to be published in journals by the end of May. At that point he will defend his dissertation, and at THAT point he will truly be done. The dissertation is a huge load off his shoulders, but he's still quite anxious to be finished with all assignments, and to move on to the next chapter of our lives. (Which is basically the same chapter we're in now- teaching and child-raising- but without a PhD hanging over our heads.)

We stayed in Nairobi for five months last year, but we've been home in our little village in Tanzania since late October. I made a quick trip to the States with Isaiah in November, which warrants another blog post at another time. Since then, we've been here at home, Abram has been teaching, and I spend every waking moment trying to parent our children, or trying to recover from parenting our children.

Below are a few pictures from the past seven months, everything from the birth of the twins up till now, in no particular order. Next week is James's second birthday, so I'll make every attempt to blog about that in the next, oh, six months or so.

Playing piano with a friend

David and Isaiah 

David and James carrying their baby (dolls) on their backs

Isaiah Immanuel Kidd 

Isaiah at one month 

Abram and his boys 

Isaiah

Playing outside 

Isaiah had emergency hernia surgery in October at 7 weeks old.
We were thankful to be near a good children's hospital in Nairobi. 

Our road trip from Nairobi back to Tanzania with our nanny-friend Mary.

James painted himself

Abram and Isaiah 

Abram and boys with our tanzanian family 

Isaiah is, in general, an incredibly happy baby

Taking a bath 

Abram and boys 

David opening presents with friends, on his third birthday, last September

I made Abram turmeric macaroons for his birthday 

Abram reading with James

David's birthday 

In the hospital with the twins- Isaiah on the left and Simeon wrapped in a blanket

David and James meeting Isaiah in the hospital 

Headed home from the hospital 

Isaiah at six months 

Besties and road trips and babies, oh my.

It's been MONTHS since I've blogged, and let me just tell you, when the power is only on from midnight till 5 am, getting online becomes...difficult. July, August and September have been basically powerless, and it's extremely frustrating (though the past few days, we've had electricity about half the time- woohoo!)


The big news first: I'm pregnant again! Baby is due in March, David will be 18 months old. the baby will probably be born in Kenya again, I'm hoping for a girl but who knows, and yes, I'm excited and nervous and tired and busy. Thank you. : ) (Also, morning sickness has been wayyyy better this time around, THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR MERCIES.)

Technology is pretty amazing, isn't it?

The past few months have been eventful, needless to say!

In July, one of my best friends from Oregon came to visit us for four whole weeks! Abram, David and I all loved having Lindsay with us for so long. I mean, really:

Don't they just look so in love?

Lindsay spent about two weeks with us here in the village. It was lovely- school was out, so everything was a bit more laid-back, and we spent time drinking coffee, reading, talking, playing with David, trying to convince him to take naps, going for walks, drinking coffee and reading. Linds got a bit of a taste of what our lives are like here- I believe the first day she was here, we had twenty something people knock on our door. (Our record is thirty something.) She had fun picking up more Swahili, trying to learn people's names, and trying to help people pronounce hers! For me, it was a huge blessing, because not only did I have a good friend around, but I had someone to help tag-team with David, dishes, cooking, etc.

The first week of August, the four of us packed up our things and drove to Nairobi for a two week visit, so that we could visit Visible Grace, go shopping, visit friends, find out I was pregnant, get an ultrasound, and do other fun city things.

Off we go!

The 10-12 hour trip, always adventurous, ended up being pretty rough, because David came down with a flu and threw up no less than seven times that day. You guys, I don't even know how it's possible, but vomit was like puddled under his car seat. (Not under him. Under the seat.) It was really sad and really rough- I hate seeing him sick and not knowing what to do! Thankfully, after he threw up he was pretty wiped out, and spent most of the trip sleeping. He didn't seem too upset, but I sure was. After ruling out malaria, we were afraid it might be carsickness (something that doesn't work for our traveling family), but thank GOD, David hasn't had any problems since, including the trip home. By the time we got to Nairobi that night, David and I were out of clean clothes- not a fun start to any vacation! Oh well- now I can add 'change clothes in an outhouse' to my list of life experiences.

The highlight of our time in Nairobi, as always, was visiting the looney tunes at Visible Grace. The kids are growing like weeds, learning more English (and more shenanigans), helping around the house, and doing well in school. Steve, Judy, the Kenyan staff, and the Kenyan board members are doing incredible work, and God is so good to bring everything together like this, and get me out of the way so that Africans can lead this thing, and I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

The only downside is that the kids don't really like Steve or Abram very much:

I mean, really. 

Steve is somewhere under that pile of children.

Sorry. Sometimes I feel like I have to be sarcastic, or I will explode.

It was really fun for Lindsay to visit the kids, as well. Linds came in 2011, when we broke ground on the house, and again in 2013, when we had our housewarming party and were just getting this party started. The kids adore her, and it's great for everyone- in America and in Kenya- to have someone consistently visiting and maintaining a relationship with VG and the kids.

David's a big hit around the house, too:

And the youngest of the kids tell Steve and Judy, "I'm not the youngest anymore- David is!"

Between visits to the house, we had a good time enjoying life in Nairobi. Abram and I were also blessed to go on not only one but TWO dates- Lindsay babysat one night and another friend the other. One date was just because, the other was to celebrate (early) our second anniversary!

I know we look like we're camping, but under my sweater, jacket, scarf and leggings, I'm wearing a pretty dress, as well as the bracelet Abram gave me on our anniversary last year.

In the middle of August, we had to send Lindsay home. We loved spending time with her and are so blessed by her love for our family! We miss you, Linds! 

Lunch on our last day together- a friend watched D, so we got to eat food without it being thrown in our lap!

Abram and I had planned to leave Nairobi a day or two after Lindsay left for the States. The day before we were going to leave, our car started making ominous clunking noises. We are so, so grateful we took it to the mechanic, and didn't end up stranded on the road somewhere between Nairobi and Tanzania! We ended up being in Nairobi for a total of four weeks, instead of two. The extended stay and the car repairs ended up being really hard on our budget -and our savings- but we are grateful that God provided places to stay, and we are grateful we now have a well functioning car. Between pregnancy and a busy baby, I am not interested in buses anymore. Though we did take the bus a few times in Nairobi, and with Abram's help, it's not bad. Just tiring.

Anyway- we are grateful to get to visit a few other friends in the interim, including a couple families who live in the slums, who we have known for years. We are so blessed and humbled to know these people, who are incredibly hard working and resourceful and kind.

I love this one: from left to right, Abraham, David, and Abram and David!

We also took David and our friend Katherine to my favourite place in the world- the giraffe centre. I am very sad to report that David was terrified and hated it and cried and now I can't be his mommy anymore, because what kind of son doesn't love giraffes?

He finally calmed down- his baba helped him to be brave.

Scoping each other out.

We got home to our village in early September, and jumped into an extremely busy month, which I will try to blog about later (hopefully!) In the meantime, here are more pictures of Davidy that didn't fit anywhere else:

This kid really, really loves dogs.