Ashby and Abram: missionary

Friday, November 8, 2019

2019: a whirlwind

I have not blogged in a year. A year of miracles and struggles, laughter and tears, diapers and potty training (!!), traveling and staying put, teaching and learning, and a lot of eating.

I have written dozens of posts in my head, but when I think about logging onto my computer, writing, editing, uploading and posting...I either a) get distracted or b) get overwhelmed (and then post a picture and quick caption on instagram, instead-- follow us there at @ashbyandabram).

2019 was a hard year, to be honest. We have made very little progress toward Kai's adoption. Abram's father died in February, but we were able to make it home in time to say goodbye, thankfully. (We wrote about this on facebook and in our newsletters, so I will assume you already know this. If you want details, let me know.)

We also lost one of our Bible students, some of our friends left the mission field, and in June, James was diagnosed with epilepsy.

Sometimes I look at life from one angle and think: what am I complaining about? Why am I so sad and tired? Our family is relatively healthy, we live comfortably (by village standards, if not by Western standards), we have a good community here, we have a lot of support from home. There's so much to be grateful for!

Other days I look at this list of burdens, from losing our son two years ago to losing Abram's father this year, and all the losses and hardships in between, and then add full time ministry, adoption stress, and an epilepsy diagnosis on top of that...and I am proud of myself just for getting out of bed each morning. (I'm only half kidding. Getting out of bed is hard. Why do kids wake up SO EARLY?)

In between the challenges and losses and triumphs and celebrations, we have very ordinary things like cleaning up toys, changing diapers, homeschooling David (kindergarten this year!), teaching at the Bible college, and making dinner every. single. night. (Why is dinner so relentlessly persistent?)

All this to say that this year has been hard, but we are grateful. Grateful that we made it to Canada in time to say goodbye to Abram's father. Grateful that we are only a short flight away from an amazing children's hospital that was able to diagnose James. Grateful that we still have custody of Kai, even if it's not permanent (yet!). Grateful that our boys are happy, and have so many people who love them, and that we always have enough to eat. Always.

I mostly logged into this blog this morning to upload pictures. So here is a quick glimpse of daily life in our home. (Minus Kai...if you want to see his gorgeous face, email or message me!)

Being three is hard.

So eternally thankful for a chance to take family photos with Abram's dad before he died.

If you need amazing photos, and live in the Ottawa area, look up SnapHappyottawa.ca. You won't be sorry.

A day at the beach in October. (Does your October look like this? It could, if you moved here!)

Our nanny, Mary, with Isaiah

The boys on Easter morning

Isaiah and Mama

This was at the airport. Flying with kids is hard. I cannot emphasize this enough: it is so hard.

This is our incredible, life giving, reason-we-are-still-on-the-mission-field nanny, Mary

Sometimes James smiles for the camera!

Abram and I do not take enough pictures together.

James is too cool for school

David doing some schoolwork. He is excelling in math.

After going to Canada in February, we got to spend a few days with my (Ashby's) family before coming home. Here are two of our American cousins!

James and David are either best friends or worst enemies, with very little in between

Isaiah

David's first day of school in September

Friday, May 11, 2018

Four boys under four

Life has been extremely busy lately. (More than normal, if that's even possible.) In mid-February we agreed to foster a newborn baby. Kai was at least two months premature, and his mom and twin brother died during delivery. Don't google "preemies born at ____" because you will just panic. But if you were stupid enough to google this at, say, 2am, you would (after panicking) start to realize that EVERYTHING about this baby boy is miraculous.

Not only does he fit into our family SO well (We have so many boy clothes! We have an affinity for twinless twins! I have breastmilk to spare!), but he is in perfect health. He was nursing and swallowing and breathing at an age when he should have needed intubation and a g-tube. He was around three and a half pounds when he came to us. Now he's 10 lbs and thriving. Everything we know about him is another answer to prayer.

I was able to manage nights with Isaiah and Kai for two months before I got desperate and we asked for help. We have a rotation of women who are spending the night in our guest room each night, sleeping next to Kai and giving him bottles (both breast milk and formula) so that I only have to get up with Isaiah. They are happy to have extra work and extra money, and I in turn am thrilled to be getting a couple more hours sleep each night. We are trading in our savings account for the sake of my sanity, basically. (I am sharing this lest anyone think I am superhuman and managing nursing two babies every night. I am not.)

David and James absolutely love Kai. Isaiah is busy learning to crawl, stand up, and eat solid foods, so he's been too busy to notice him. In addition to having FOUR BOYS, a new school term started, and I am teaching English four hours a week! Did I mention we are busy? Luckily most of my lesson plans are ready to go, from when I taught two years ago. And I LOVE having an excuse to get out of the house for a couple hours and talk to grownups. In complete sentences! I taught two periods yesterday and not once did anyone mention poop, snacks, spiders or slugs. It was glorious.

Abram finished his dissertation at the end of February, and is waiting to hear if he passed or has revisions, and will head up to Nairobi sometime this month for his defense. He also wrote two articles for publication in theological journals. He has a few revisions left to do on these articles, but overall, his PhD work is ALMOST done. He has been working around the clock, and we are so relieved he's almost finished. We can't wait to celebrate his graduation in Nairobi in July!

James's birthday came and went in March, and we didn't even celebrate until two weeks later, because on his actual birthday we were all sick with the flu. As in influenza, and no, the flu shot is not available here, and oh my goodness we were SO sick. It was bad.

So when we were feeling better, I made him a little cake, and we had a few friends over, and we gave him a train set and some books that we had bought while in Nairobi (thanks mom and dad!). He also got cards from each of his grandparents in North America, so he was one happy and loved little boy.

The months of March and April were extremely discouraging for us. In addition to getting the flu, everyone but me and Kai had malaria more than once. Isaiah has had it twice, David and Abram and James have had it FOUR TIMES. (Sometimes it's a new occurrence and sometimes it's a resistant strain that keeps coming back.) Caring for sick kids is hard, and Abram has so much on his plate in addition to not feeling well. I've also been struggling to believe we are really called to live in this beautiful place, and do work we love, and watch our boys continually struggle with a disease they wouldn't have if we lived in North America. (No one gets sick in the US...right?) Thankfully, the past week everyone has been HEALTHY (give or take a light cold), and I'm feeling a lot more supported and a lot less discouraged. Thank you to those of you who prayed for us and for our health!

I will try to keep blogging every so often. I have also shared more about this adventure on instagram. We are keeping his little face offline for now!

Please be praying for us, if you are the praying sort. This parenting stuff is HARD! Getting malaria is hard! Nursing two babies is hard! Teaching English is hard, because as it turns out, our language is crazy.