love your toddler as yourself: a "normal" day

Today, loving the Lord my God with all my heart and soul and strength, and loving my neighbour as myself, here in rural Tanzania, looked like answering an emergency phone call at seven am; getting up and changing diapers instead of the hoped-for sleeping in; making a care package of blankets, clothes, bottles, formula and supplements for a friend struggling to feed her newborn twins; hanging long lines of laundry in the hot sun; answering questions like “what happens to spiders after they run away” and “if I get in the bath, will my hair melt?” while answering the door and answering emails; scouring books and websites and messaging friends for ways to help a neighbour who has chronic stomach troubles; paying school fees for clusters of shy and bashful students who come to our door hoping for help; reading through the Psalms on the couch, bible in my lap, while my boys sit next to me and watch a video about cows (and another about gravity); tying Kai to my back while standing over the stove and stirring caramel; problem-solving for Visible Grace from the small screen of my iPhone; fielding requests from maintenance workers on the back porch while Abram meets with a fellow teacher on the front porch; practicing David’s memory verse with him over a lunch of chicken and sweet potatoes; nursing consecutive babies while chatting with two of our college students; filling water bottles and charging phones for neighbours and workers without electricity; sending Kai to the clinic with our nanny to be tested for malaria, and sending David, James, and James’s baby doll along as well, because they want to "go bye bye"; laughing with joy when Mary reports that, at James’s request, the nurse gave his doll a malaria test, too; talking to our lawyer and social work about potentially adopting Kai; planning a certain four year old’s birthday party and inviting our neighbours; planning backup childcare for tomorrow because Abram is preaching and I cannot handle four young children by myself for four hours; and lying in my hammock with David during naptime. 

(I wrote this a couple weeks ago on a particularly busy day- so busy I didn't even have time to post it. Today, everything looks similar, but different.) 

PS- David turned four!

PPS- I have a few pictures that won't upload, and I am running out of time, and if I don't post this now, I never will, so here it is. I'll try to post pictures another time. Grr. 

Four boys under four

Life has been extremely busy lately. (More than normal, if that's even possible.) In mid-February we agreed to foster a newborn baby. Kai was at least two months premature, and his mom and twin brother died during delivery. Don't google "preemies born at ____" because you will just panic. But if you were stupid enough to google this at, say, 2am, you would (after panicking) start to realize that EVERYTHING about this baby boy is miraculous.

Not only does he fit into our family SO well (We have so many boy clothes! We have an affinity for twinless twins! I have breastmilk to spare!), but he is in perfect health. He was nursing and swallowing and breathing at an age when he should have needed intubation and a g-tube. He was around three and a half pounds when he came to us. Now he's 10 lbs and thriving. Everything we know about him is another answer to prayer.

I was able to manage nights with Isaiah and Kai for two months before I got desperate and we asked for help. We have a rotation of women who are spending the night in our guest room each night, sleeping next to Kai and giving him bottles (both breast milk and formula) so that I only have to get up with Isaiah. They are happy to have extra work and extra money, and I in turn am thrilled to be getting a couple more hours sleep each night. We are trading in our savings account for the sake of my sanity, basically. (I am sharing this lest anyone think I am superhuman and managing nursing two babies every night. I am not.)

David and James absolutely love Kai. Isaiah is busy learning to crawl, stand up, and eat solid foods, so he's been too busy to notice him. In addition to having FOUR BOYS, a new school term started, and I am teaching English four hours a week! Did I mention we are busy? Luckily most of my lesson plans are ready to go, from when I taught two years ago. And I LOVE having an excuse to get out of the house for a couple hours and talk to grownups. In complete sentences! I taught two periods yesterday and not once did anyone mention poop, snacks, spiders or slugs. It was glorious.

Abram finished his dissertation at the end of February, and is waiting to hear if he passed or has revisions, and will head up to Nairobi sometime this month for his defense. He also wrote two articles for publication in theological journals. He has a few revisions left to do on these articles, but overall, his PhD work is ALMOST done. He has been working around the clock, and we are so relieved he's almost finished. We can't wait to celebrate his graduation in Nairobi in July!

James's birthday came and went in March, and we didn't even celebrate until two weeks later, because on his actual birthday we were all sick with the flu. As in influenza, and no, the flu shot is not available here, and oh my goodness we were SO sick. It was bad.

So when we were feeling better, I made him a little cake, and we had a few friends over, and we gave him a train set and some books that we had bought while in Nairobi (thanks mom and dad!). He also got cards from each of his grandparents in North America, so he was one happy and loved little boy.

The months of March and April were extremely discouraging for us. In addition to getting the flu, everyone but me and Kai had malaria more than once. Isaiah has had it twice, David and Abram and James have had it FOUR TIMES. (Sometimes it's a new occurrence and sometimes it's a resistant strain that keeps coming back.) Caring for sick kids is hard, and Abram has so much on his plate in addition to not feeling well. I've also been struggling to believe we are really called to live in this beautiful place, and do work we love, and watch our boys continually struggle with a disease they wouldn't have if we lived in North America. (No one gets sick in the US...right?) Thankfully, the past week everyone has been HEALTHY (give or take a light cold), and I'm feeling a lot more supported and a lot less discouraged. Thank you to those of you who prayed for us and for our health!

I will try to keep blogging every so often. I have also shared more about this adventure on instagram. We are keeping his little face offline for now!

Please be praying for us, if you are the praying sort. This parenting stuff is HARD! Getting malaria is hard! Nursing two babies is hard! Teaching English is hard, because as it turns out, our language is crazy.

Four month old Kai 

Super-Baba

James's birthday party. He was graciously and magnanimously greeting his guests. 

James's birthday cake (note big brother standing by so as not to miss anything!) 

Mr Cool 

Baby toes

James gave himself a black eye...he got in a fight with his crib and his crib won. 

I left the watercolours out...whoops 

James copied David...sigh. 

Isaiah at 8 months 

Bookworms

James visited my English class yesterday! 

A day in the life

I have wanted for a while now to give you guys a glimpse of our daily life. But it's so hard! It's hard to find time. It's hard to explain to people who haven't been here. It's hard to strike a balance between "real" and "readable".

First of all, life here can be really heavy. There are funerals in our village at least once a week. People come to our door asking for work or loans, or selling their chickens or produce. People are hungry. The rains are always late, or not enough, and harvests are small. The economy is slow and work is scarce. Or they ask for medicine and medical advice (thanks, webMD!), or a ride to the hospital, or help paying a doctor's bill. We give protein and supplements to nursing mothers, cough medicine to sick babies (we have a full supply thanks to David's cough-a-thon last year), bandages and clean cloths for cut fingers, drinking water to whoever knocks on our door.

David sharing a cup of soup with some of his favourites

But there's so much that isn't said in that paragraph. "Drinking water" sounds so simple and can be taken for granted, but the people coming to our door often don't have running water, and even if they do, it has to be boiled, filtered and cooled before it is drinkable. "Harvests are small" means almost nothing to people who buy the bulk of their food at a grocery store, as I did when I lived in the States, but our friends and neighbours live off of what they can grow, and there is no grocery store in our village. A doctor's bill is often $5 or less, but if you don't have an income, it might as well be $500. A bus ticket into Mwanza, where the bigger hospitals are, is about $4. But the average daily wage is $2. Imagine if it cost you $150 to get to the hospital.

The weird thing about life being hard here is that most of this isn't happening to our family. Thank God we have our health and our finances are stable. We don't lack food. We have a car and can drive to the hospital if we need to. These things aren't happening to us, but happening around us. But when you live in a close-knit community, when you really love your neighbours "as yourselves", then their problems become yours; your burdens are theirs. (We are so grateful for our neighbours and friends when one of us- any of us- is sick and we need an extra hand around the house!)

So. As I said. Life here can be heavy. Just living here is a full-time job. I thank God every day for the two women who help me around the house, washing dishes and diapers (BY HAND), and watching David in the evenings while I cook dinner. I don't know what I would do without them, and they in turn are grateful for an income to support their families. Even with help, getting through the day is a full-time job: cooking all our meals from scratch (90% of our diet is perishable and local!), changing diapers, nursing James, trying to keep David busy, and answering the door a dozen times a day.

Essentially, that's my day: cooking, playing with the boys, and answering the door.

"Answering the door". I am starting to take this for granted, then a quick chat with my sister reminds me of how different life is in the West, or even in the suburbs. In the US, you could go an entire day without someone coming over to your house, unless they are invited and expected. Give or take a UPS guy or a quick hello from your neighbour, your door is probably closed and quiet. Try to visualise this with me:

Because doors here are often left open all day, and doorbells are nonexistent, people say "hodi" (hoe-dee) when they come to your door- it's essentially the equivalent of saying "knock, knock!". This was, notably, one of David's first words. We get around 15-20 "hodis" a day. The hodis range from friends stopping by, to workers (we try to find work find as many people as we can, doing work for the school, working in our yard, fixing things around the house, watering flowers- anything that helps them provide for their families), people asking for a cup of water, people in the village asking Abram for advice or counsel, people asking to borrow money, people wanting to play with David or hold James, people asking for a ride somewhere, people selling us food (chicken, fish, fruit and veggies), people asking what time it is, students dropping off assignments or asking for help with their work. There are often a few extra people around the table at mealtimes, and mornings can often find Abram in the kitchen, doling out bone broth to whoever stops by...and on and on. And on. Some days it takes me an hour (or more) to do something that should take about 15 minutes. (Though I'm not sure if it's the visitors or David who is to blame...)

These girls ask to hold James almost every day!

Some days, it feels overwhelming. Most days, I really enjoy it and look forward to it. Entire days go by where I don't leave my house (except to weed in the garden, if I'm lucky and James naps!), and being extremely extroverted, I appreciate the chance to talk to people over the age of 2. My Swahili is good enough to talk to them, and I know most of their names and faces by now. David loves the attention. Abram enjoys building relationships with people, but some days make it hard for him to get any work done. Our American neighbour described her life as a "ministry of interruptions", and I am starting to see it that way, too. Imagine yourself at home in the evening, chopping onions, nursing your baby, answering the door, getting someone a drink of water, and chatting with a neighbour, all at the same time. Lovely? Or stressful? Well, both.

A few of our neighbours stopping by for a visit

If we follow Jesus's example in the gospels, there's not a lot of room for privacy. But as a young couple with young kids, we need some family time! It's hard to find a balance, but we are learning and growing, and grateful for the opportunity to develop close relationships with the people in our village. The American church talks often of living authentically and living in community. In the West, "community" is controlled, planned, and safe. Here, it's unscheduled, unpredictable, and at times, inconvenient.

One of the reasons I struggle to write about this is because I don't want to seem like I'm complaining, but I want people to understand how different our life is here. If I mention offhand to someone that we have several visitors a day, I'm not sure they really grasp what I mean. I hope I've been able to paint a bit of a picture for you. We have such an amazing village of people who love David and James and we love sharing our home, our stories and our resources with them...it can be exhausting, but it is so worth it. 

Catching up- September

Whooooooa. Another 10 weeks have gone by since I blogged. Again. I'm sure very few people care. But I do! I'm determined not to give up. I post lots of random stuff on facebook, and people get to see pictures of us, but I like looking back over our blog, because it's more of a summary of major events in our life, you know?

So, while I have internet (hooray!) and David is out playing in the grass (hooray!), I'm going to try to post a few quick updates of the past few months. Here's September.

Two major things happened in September (I think. Who can remember/):
~I started teaching at the bible college- my first time teaching adults. Ever.
~And, David turned one! We survived a year of parenting! Hooray!

I am teaching English to the first year students here at Nassa Teological College. The students have to have a certain amount of English to get accepted, but they usually still need some brushing up (don't we all?), so the first years take a 5-hour, year-long course, currently taught by yours truly. The most challenging part of this is that there was no curriculum, syllabus or even standards for the course. So I did some digging around online (mostly on my phone...or, when we have electricity, I am working on English, and hence no time for blogging...) and looked up other school's suggestions. Then I mashed together an outline of what I wanted to teach them, and went from there.

The first term was a ton of work- covering grammar and writing, vocabulary and reading comprehension, figurative versus literal language, etc. There are a lot of resources online, but most ESL classes are geared towards people who are learning English and are living in the US. So a lot of the context - the stories, examples, figures of speech- don't apply to my students here. In conclusion: planning the class was a LOT of work.

Teaching was actually pretty fun, and I think I'm doing pretty well. My students are amazing, and they all did really well in the first term! I'm very proud of them. And I'm looking forward to teaching them again next term.

Abram taught three courses this last term: Hermeneutics, Isaiah and Hebrews. He taught almost every morning, and in the afternoons, he keeps busy with his dissertation, ministering to people in our village, writing sermons for occasionally preaching on Sundays, and helping with some of the vision and development for the college. Abram also keeps track of our family finances, so he is always, always busy. He's such a hard worker, and still finds time to spend with me and David! I married a good one, you guys. A really fun twist in the plan is that he's been having significant computer problems. This makes it hard to work on school or his dissertation, in case you were wondering.

But none of that is as interesting as baby David eating chocolate cake for the first time.

See what I mean?

David's birthday is on September 25th, and he shares a birthday with Abram's Tanzanian sister, Neema. So on the 26th (a Saturday), we threw a small party for the two of them. This is, in the long run, so unimportant, but I spent a lot of time thinking about how we could celebrate David's birthday in a culturally appropriate way. I wanted to find a balance between North America and Tanzania, and I think we managed it! (Most everyone who was at the party has probably never had their own birthday cake before.)

For those interested, I baked a small, paleo chocolate cake for David (and myself). Almond flour, cocoa powder, honey... I melted chocolate chips and made icing out of butter and honey and decorated with sliced bananas, since those are David's favourite food. It was SO GOOD, you guys. Probably the best cake I've ever had- gooey and creamy and rich and sweet. If you notice a huge amount of cake missing in the pictures, that's because I ate most of it.

Because almond flour is a precious resource, I made a larger, normal cake for Neema and our guests. I don't think it turned out as well- it was really dry- but I think Neema appreciated it!

Our gift to David was custom-made wooden alphabet blocks. He loves them and plays with them every night before bedtime. They were pretty expensive, but we hope they last years and years. We didn't give them to him at the party, but later, when there wasn't a huge audience. (We already have more nice things that a lot of our neighbours, and I'm sure to them, David is quite spoiled. And he is. We have been so blessed.) The other gifts David received were: a card and cash from our next door neighbour, some eggs from another neighbour, and a (live) chicken from Neema's parents (David's Tanzanian grandparents). Pretty fun gifts, for a one-year-old! (The chicken is no longer with us. She was delicious, though.) We also got a book from Abram's parents in Canada (which he loves), and some clothes, toys and books from my family. Thanks, guys! We felt so loved.

This is much longer than I planned- thanks, D, for playing nicely outside- and I'm pleasantly surprised at my pregnant brain's ability to remember anything that happened 3-4 months ago.

Here are a few more pictures of David's birthday party. (Thanks Abram for grabbing some photos!) They uploaded out of order, just for fun.

We are so grateful that he has such a loving community and family here in Tanzania. And in Kenya. And in Canada. And the US. What a loved little boy.

David and his Tanzanian Grandpa (Babu)

Digging into the frosting.

The birthday twins and their cakes.

I didn't think to take a single photo with David during his party. This was afterward. Oh well.

Singing happy birthday- D was clapping along.

Being efficient. This eating style was a hit and people still talk about it.

Another family photo taken after the party.

He ate every single banana slice off first, before digging into the cake.

Neema, David, Baba and Ashby

Carrying out the cakes. (Like I said, the pics uploaded out of order.)

Malaria and other maladies

The first draft of this post was like 'whiny whinety whine whine whiiiine', so, I deleted it.

Here's the summary: David's been sick (for weeks) and Abram and I have been sick, and we're all exhausted- like, really exhausted- and every non-essential thing in my life has been thrown out the window, leaving my to-do list looking something like this:

Keep David alive
Brush my teeth
Make dinner maybe

And in the midst of battling malaria AND bronchitis, Davidy decided to cut two teeth

They're there. I promise. You try taking a picture of the inside of a grumpy baby's mouth!

making this the easiest/hardest teething session ever, as in, we didn't even notice (or if we did, we attributed it to his not feeling well already).

Davidy continues to be a delight, even when he's sick. He will cough his little brains out, throw up on you, then give you a smile that will break your heart, and crawl off to play somewhere.

He's crawling now, and learned to pull himself up, cruise around furniture, and climb up our (two) steps- all in just a few days' time. He's starting to get better (thanks to our new pediatrician, one round of malaria meds and two rounds of antibiotics) and loves eating fruit, veggies, and pureed chicken. He's still very outgoing and loves being held, although when he's not feeling well, he really prefers Mama.

Just your typical Sunday at church.

Abram has been extremely busy, because in addition to teaching and doing interviews for his paper, he's been sick himself, and has been caring for me and David as much as possible. He's working really hard, and I am loving attending his Genesis class (when I'm able) and watching him at work. He's such a good teacher, and I honestly don't think I know anyone who is as passionate about the Old Testament as he is.

Also he's one of the most hands-on fathers I've ever met or married.

I am not exaggerating about my to-do lists lately, but under 'normal' circumstances, I have enough to keep me busy- even when Davidy is healthy!- with Visible Grace stuff, helping teach English here in TZ, trying to stay in touch with family, and hosting dinners, prayer meetings, and birthday parties here in our home.

Sometimes David comes with me to help with NTC's English class.

At the beginning of May, David and I flew over to Dar-es-Salaam to attend an AIM women's retreat. It was lovely to spend time with some friends we had made last year (when we lived in Dar last summer) and to soak up some girly time. The retreat fell on Mother's Day weekend, and for my first (ish) Mother's Day, my friends watched David while I took a long, hot shower and read my Bible. What more could a girl ask for?! 

David slept through craft time at the retreat. Also, he looks fake. But he's not. 

David got to play in real grass for the first time- and he loved it!

We were blessed with a chance to go to the Serengeti again a few weeks ago with some friends of friends who were visiting. A safari is always a great diversion from our real lives, and we feel grateful to live so near to all this wildlife, and for having a car and being able to drive others around!

I hope I never never never grow tired of these guys.

The school year is rapidly coming to a close, with graduation only a few weeks away! After that, we are looking forward to hosting our good friend Lindsay, and then taking her up to Nairobi to visit our kiddos at Visible Grace!

One day soon I hope to find time (hahaHA) to blog more than a quick, 'here's another picture of David, did I mention I like giraffes?' update. I have so many thoughts and feelings, and I know you're dying to hear them, internet. Till then, here are some more pictures of David. Again. 

Spring Break

A solid month has gone by since I've written anything, and here's the thing: I have thought about or planned to blog almost every single day for the past 4 weeks. I have major respect for any mother who gets anything done. Anything. Did you brush your teeth today? You are awesome. You showered?!  And your neighbour didn't have to come over and hold your screaming baby? I don't even believe you.

Me? Cry? Never!

Anyway- lots has happened in our crazy, boring, exciting, busy lives. Here's a brief update.

April is a holiday for the college where Abram teaches- most of East Africa uses a year-round system, where schools are closed in April, August and December. The month has gone by quickly and I can hardly believe classes will be starting again on Monday. It's been a nice change of pace, and a chance to get to spend more time together, and to travel a bit!

Last week we were in Nairobi, visiting Visible Grace and some of our friends in the area, as well as doing major shopping (dark chocolate, decaf coffee, gluten free soy sauce, rice flour...).

Me: Thanks for being so generous and letting me buy so much stuff, and not complaining about it!
Abram: Well, I haven't totaled it all up yet. I'll complain later.
Me: ...Oh.

(He didn't complain, though. He's so generous. Abram would live off of $3 for the rest of his life, I think. Whereas I'm like, "well, in order to be truly happy, I need a hand mixer Jesus." I've never met anyone as content and non-materialistic as him. It's so annoying admirable. One of the many things I love about him. It also makes it hard to think of gifts for him!)

Er...as I was saying, we were able to visit the kids at VG, attend a board meeting, go to our (English speaking!) church, and visit a few of our friends. We also got a chance to dress Davidy in some of his 'winter' clothing, as it's rarely cold enough in TZ for long sleeves, let alone SWEATPANTS. You guys. I submit to you that few things are cuter than a baby in sweatpants.

It's always bittersweet for me to visit the VG house, because I miss the kids so much, and part of me still wishes we were there- but, I am happy/reluctant to admit, I think the entire ministry is doing better without me. Steve and Judy, the house parents/manager, are doing an incredible job, and we are grateful and impressed every time we talk with them or see the work they are doing. (Clarification: I'm still involved. Just in a very different capacity. I do not, for the record, miss Rita waking me up at 5:45 every morning.)

Rita: So innocent, so sweet. So loud.

I miss them. A lot. 

Raising 11 kids and holding a 12th: The best house father ever, Steve.

Everyone was of course delighted to see David and meet him for a second time- many of the friends we saw had visited us in the hospital when he was born! It was really cool to realise that, if we live in East Africa for a while, these people will know him throughout his entire childhood- watching him from newborn to toddlerhood to...adolescence?! Who knows. It's hard for us to be away from our families and home churches, but God has been good to bless us with 'families' here in Kenya and Tanzania. Davidy has American, South African, Canadian, Tanzanian, Kenyan, German and British (and more!) aunties, uncles, grandmas and grandpas. We really do feel supported and loved! And we are seeing the truth in the African adage "it takes a village to raise a child." (No, Hilary Clinton did not coin that phrase!)

Learning to sit with his cousin Charles (and yes, he's licking him. I don't know.)

Cousin Precious. And the aforementioned sweatpants.

Almost everyone we know had a baby last year. Seriously. Everyone.

Now that we are back home, we have a few days to settle in and get back into a routine before school starts again. Abram will be teaching a class on the book of Genesis, which I plan to attend/audit. I am looking forward to learning more about the Bible, as well as watching my husband teach! Thanks to a lighter teaching schedule this term, he will have a lot more time to research, read and write for his dissertation.

The view from our porch. It's good to be home!

We always enjoy a change of pace, and a chance to visit friends, but we are looking forward to life 'as usual', as well. This term should be a good one, and one of our good friends from Oregon is visiting at the end! Hurry up, Auntie Lindsay!

Thanks for a great pic, Jere!